Cardinals defied Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs, got cute with Streveler


Arizona Cardinals Training Camp

Arizona Cardinals Training Camp

Ever heard of Chris Streveler? Yeah, me either, until Steve Keim signed him to a cute little deal this past February. Streveler is a former Silver Cup champion for the Wannapress Yellow Fighters up in Canada. Just kidding. He's a former Grey Cup champion for the Winnipeg Blue Bombers up in Canada, but who cares right? Streveler has a habit of taking important snaps away from Kyler Murray.

Much like Taysom Hill of the Saints, Streveler's a Swiss Army knife, change-of-pace quarterback, who strikes fear in the hearts of defensive coordina- wait, what's that?

Scratch that. Streveler, like Hill, is a hip add-on that nobody really knows how to use, like Reebok Pumps.

No, wait. Streveler's more of a luxury item. Bewildering, yes, but more expensive than Pumps. Ah, yes, he's Joe Rogan's sauna. A $7,000 steam room that may or may not increase the production of "heat shock" proteins, but certainly burns a hole in your pocket you can't afford to patch.

In this analogy, the Cardinals are a $70k-per-year account executive convinced they're "killing it," who just bought one of those bad boys with what was supposed to be their emergency fund. Quick, send a picture to Rogan's Twitter page!

Now that they have it, they can't stop using it. When you have a hammer, everything looks like a nail.

Chris Streveler saw his latest game action against the Lions, on a pivotal 4th-and-1 with 11 minutes to go in the 3rd quarter, Cardinals down by 4. What followed was a confusion-induced timeout, a false start penalty, and a field goal. Nice! The Cardinals went on to lose the game, while searching for any offensive identity other than, "Murray throws to Hopkins!"

The Cardinals are violating Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs.

They've skipped past the "esteem" phase (respect, status, recognition), and moved straight to "self-actualization" (desire to be the most that one can be).

Pro tip: Joe Rogan can microdose magic mushrooms and sauna for 4-hours per day because he's very, very rich and very, very good at what he does. The Cardinals are just trying to not be the worst team in their division.

The 49ers scored 36 points with their scout team on Sunday. The Rams outscored the Bills 29-14 in the second half of their game. The Seahawks beat the Cowboys on their way to 3-0. The Cardinals lost to a Lions team that does nothing at a remarkable level. Kyler Murray made physical mistakes, sure, but he's bailed the Cardinals out of plenty already in his young NFL career, and he kept them within distance anyway. Murray - the most elusive player in the NFL - should've been on the field on that 4th down. He should be on the field for all meaningful offensive snaps.

Arizona has two more stops left in Cupcake City before they get shoved right into a meat grinder. After the Panthers and Jets, the Cardinals faces the Cowboys, Seahawks, Dolphins, Bills, Seahawks, Patriots, Rams, Giants, Eagles, 49ers and Rams.

It's probably best that instead of spending however long it takes to concoct 3rd-and-short play calls for Chris Streveler, the Cardinals spend their time wisely, and find a real offensive identity.